At A Loss

I’m so…
 
I honestly don’t know how to feel. I should be excited as I finally have the second book of my series ready to print. Plus, I hired this amazing person to create a cover for it and for the older Dark Secrets. They look amazing! I’m really excited about this.
 
But at the same time, with what is going on in Ukraine…I just can’t get excited.
 
I’m from an area where some of the people are like, “Oh, that’s so sad,” and that’s it. Others have no clue what is even going on and have never heard of it.
 
Once again, I’m struck by the idea that I really don’t belong in this area. I’m just too different, always have been.
 
I remember when I was in high school, I became a vegetarian. People looked at me as if I had grown two heads. It was such an outlandish idea for the tiny rural area. One of my fellow classmates said something that has stuck with me all this time. She said, “I’m jealous of you. You really believe in something enough to do this, and I don’t believe in anything.”
 
I’ve realized over the years that I have an opinion about everything. I cannot be blasé about any issue. I have a stance on everything, and I rarely change my mind.
 
The only thing I can really remember changing my mind about is the COVID vaccine. I will admit—and I’ve told this to multiple people—I was firmly against it. I still don’t believe anyone should be forced to take it. If other issues are “my body, my choice,” to me, that should go with a vaccine that has not been fully tested. But anyways…I was against it. I was adamant I wasn’t getting it. My daughter was leaning toward getting it because if she didn’t, at her college, she would have to be tested every week, and she didn’t have the time for it. I didn’t care. I told her no.
 
And then I went on Facebook—something I really don’t often do. There is a man that lives in the same town I do. He had posted about how the vaccine was evil and a government conspiracy. And he just kept going on. It was just so outlandish that I was in shock. I kept reading, though, as it’s like when you know a scary part is coming up on a movie, but you just can’t look away. It was like that. Once I finished reading his post, I decided that if I wasn’t taking the vaccine, that meant I agreed with him on something. Like heck, I ever wanted to agree with him on anything. I decided then and there my family was getting the vaccine. I made appoints for us to get the first dose the following week.

 
Okay, so not surprisingly, I’ve once again gone off-topic. My point was about believing in something, standing up for something.
 
I feel so helpless and worthless as I want to do something for Ukraine, but I’m at a loss as to what I can accomplish.

 
At school, I feel like I’m not doing my job as I haven’t inspired any of these kids to care about this or anything really that is going on in the world. But most of the time, they don’t. I wanted to do a Google Slide presentation with them on the Olympics. Only a handful of students even knew what the Olympics were. And only two knew they were actually taking place when we talked about it in class. All a lot of them know is this tiny area of the world. Everything stops and starts here. It’s frustrating. 

Honestly, I don’t even know the point of this post. All I do know is that my heart goes out to all of those in Ukraine fighting for their country, fighting for their lives.